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.For example, one person might decide to become a police officer to up-hold justice and fairness.Another might end up adopting a child from anorphanage.Yet another might work for a living to support their familyand donate money to charities to help others in need.People who live pur-poseful lives have well-defined goals and enjoy devoting considerable ef-fort to accomplish them.Defining PurposeThere are several hallmarks of a life defined by purpose.When purposeis a guiding force, there is a central theme in a person s life nar-rative or story.If you think of your identity as a building, purpose is thearchitectural framework that provides an understanding of the totality ofwho you are.Goals such as completing a master s degree or becoming abetter listener with close friends provide an understanding of small spacesin the building pillars, floors, and rooms.Goals provide an understand-ing of what we are about at a particular time and place in our life but theymiss the big picture.For instance, if you talk to Carlos, a criminal lawyer, when he s en-grossed in a big case, he will describe his plans for keeping his client outof jail.Being a lawyer is an incredibly rewarding career for him.He sproud of his contributions, and it allows him to use many of his strengths.However, when it comes down to it, his purpose is caring for his lovedones.His firm knows not to interrupt his family time unless there is direneed.He is content being with his wife and two kids.They ground him;they bring him equanimity in a chaotic world.The money and benefits ofbeing a lawyer provide security and well-being for his family.His work isimportant and meaningful, but it is secondary to being a doting husbandand father in his life narrative.Carlos s purpose provides the basis for defining goals and making de-cisions in everyday life.When choices have to be made, he errs on theside of caring for and being with his family above all else.His purpose Discovering Meaning and Purpose in Life 243provides a sense of direction for investing limited time and energy to en-gage in, persevere at, and make progress toward particular life goals.Whenhis partner and kids want to go for a weekend getaway, he puts in extrahours at night during the week so he can go with them.It s painful to losesleep, but he doesn t suffer.As the adage goes,  the juice is worth thesqueeze.Purpose is a manifestation of our core values and interests (see Chap-ter 5).Instead of governing behavior, purpose offers direction just as acompass offers direction to a navigator.A person may choose not to fol-low that direction.Having a purpose is just a starting point.Only bycommitting effort do we give ourselves a self-sustaining source of plea-sure and meaning.Without planting the seeds, you don t get the benefitsof plants and food (you  reap what you sow ).If Carlos regularly works 90 hours a week and doesn t get home untilhis family is asleep, he gains little by having a purpose of caring for andsharing his life with them.When we act in ways that run counter to ourpurpose, we suffer.Gandhi talked about days when he failed to act in anenlightened way.He was human and sometimes he would let his temperget the better of him and scold his wife and kids.When he recognizedthis gap between his purpose and his actions, he suffered.When purpose is pursued, a person devotes more effort toimportant goals and activities, yet it often feels effortless.Thesame amount of effort is draining when we are doing something that wefeel we have to do.Having a purpose protects us because having some-thing important to fall back on that is under our personal control allowsus to absorb the strains and difficulties of the world around us.Having apurpose is the firm foundation that allows us to take risks, explore, andfind and create meaning.Purpose increases our energy supply to do moreof what we want and extract more from it.When purpose is a guiding force, a person behaves relativelyconsistently in all contexts, both public and private.We can t leg-islate purpose.Some parents are going to view taking care of their chil-dren as an important source of meaning and pleasure but not theirpurpose in life.Even if parenting isn t at the core of their identities, this 244 Curious?is nothing to be ashamed of as long as they take their role as caregiverseriously.Just because mothers or fathers view parenting as a purpose doesn tmean there aren t moments when they are exhausted or wish they werefree to go away for the weekend to soak in a hot tub and laugh with adults(only adults).They will.However, parents with purpose are more resil-ient to stress than mothers who view parenting as something they shoulddo or have to do, instead of want to do for its own sake.Basically, by being attuned to your innermost values and interests,having a purpose makes it easier to create important goals and make in-roads toward succeeding at them.When you are doing things that arecentral to your identity, everything feels less difficult, and stressors takeless of a toll on your body, mind, and social life.Three Paths to Purpose in LifeThere are certain venues in which we are most likely to see purpose inaction (e.g., religion and spirituality, work as a  calling, being a parent,and caring for other people).Besides work, a common thread is the use ofone s strengths in the service of something larger than the self.Thesearen t the only areas where a sense of purpose can exist.Plenty of peoplefind purpose from hobbies, interests, and passions [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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