[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.I could doanything he wanted.The strength of myemotions scared the hell out of me.Ihadn t let my guard down like this ever,certainly not with Tim.As I retreated down the hallway, Jason returned to work.I took a lastglance at his shoulders stretching thecoverall as he guided the polisher backand forth, and felt a pang of pure desire.Acrystal-clear realization flashed in mymind: This was no longer a fling.I dfallen hard for a guy I d known for only ashort time, a guy who was damaged inmore than physical ways, and nothingabout that was going to be easy. Chapter EighteenI followed the buffer in a daze,letting the machine glide back and forth onautopilot.I d been torn between pushingAnna away and clinging to her with all mymight.I could see a hundred reasons whywe would never work in the long run andonly a few reasons for us to be together.After my meeting with Lisa, I drealized I should figure out who the hell Iwas before inflicting myself on any morewomen.Was I the guy who d paid off hisgirlfriend when she got pregnant ratherthan deal with the consequences, the guy who drank too much and drove too fast?Or was I the harmless but aimless dudeI d become after the accident? Mytherapist used to talk about becoming an integrated person, and now I thought Iunderstood what he was talking about.Could I eventually become somebodywhole enough to be with Anna?Not if I carried on like I had withLisa the other night.Her flattering crushhad given me an ego boost I d neededafter the pained look Anna wore when sheintroduced me to her parents.She couldn thide the fact I was an embarrassment toher, even if she d never said it aloud.Lisa wanting me had felt good, so I d gone forher.A few beers, a little making out, andthen suddenly we d been practicallyfucking in the backseat of her car.Shit!I hadn t technically cheated onAnna, since we d never defined ourrelationship, but I knew I d done wrong.Yeah, Lisa and I didn t complete the pass,but we d gotten pretty personal, andsomehow I knew Anna would think it wasa big deal, a breach of an unspokenagreement.I certainly hadn t rushed to tellher about it.So taking time apart to figure out my life was probably a smart decision, but bythe time I d polished twenty more feet ofhallway, I realized it was also going tohurt like hell.I plugged my earbuds in andpumped up the volume.The NakedFarmers filled my head with noise andcarried me through the longest night ofwork I d ever slugged through.Themonotony of my job used to make me feelsecure.Now I was restless and couldn tbear the boredom.I wanted to fly away,try something new and more challenging.Problem was I had no idea what that mightbe.I finished after midnight, then headed for the bus stop, kicking myself forhaving the  brakes on talk with Anna.Icould be climbing into bed with her,holding her warm body close to minetonight.Instead, I entered my dark, mustyroom.The  apartment of despair, Katiecalled the place when my family helpedme move in.I was alone again.Was thatreally what I wanted?The next day, I went to theOpportunity Center before my shift beganand talked to my caseworker about joboptions.Pickings were lean.I was luckyto have any job with my diminished skill set.I was hardly a prime candidate formost employers.After that futile visit, I dropped bythe survivors group.I sat on a metalfolding chair beside Rob, greeting theusual suspects and the newbies beforeMaxie opened the meeting. Does anyone have somethingthey d like to talk about today?A new girl, whose name I dforgotten, raised her hand. I just wantedto say I was able to use the parking garagewhere my assault took place for the firsttime since it happened.No panic attack.I m pretty proud of myself. Everyone offered congratulationsand encouragement. I ve got news, Rob spoke up. I ve got investors and a bid in on aspace.I should be able to open my store ina few months.For the first time in a longtime, I feel really hopeful.I felt bad for the guy.Opening ahobby shop in this economy wasn t asmart move.The idea had failure stampedall over it.But Rob sounded morepositive than I d ever heard him, so Iadded my congratulations to the rest.Maxie looked at me. What about you, Jason.Do you have anything toshare?Uh, let s see, I d just taken the bestchance at a relationship I d probably everhave and more or less flushed it. Nothingreally.Just trying to figure out what I cando besides janitorial work.Not coming upwith much. What happened with that girl youlike? Rob blew the lid off what I d toldhim in confidence. That s& on hold for now. She dumped you.Told you itcouldn t work out.I wanted to punch him. As a matter of fact, I was the one who thought weought to go slow.Anyway, aren t wesupposed to be talking about survivor guiltor something? My love life is mybusiness, my personal business. Mytemper went from chill to red-hot inseconds flat.I was shouting, and everyonestared. All right, Maxie soothed. Youdon t have to discuss anything you don twant to, but this must be a prettysignificant event for you.Rebuilding aromantic life after trauma is no smallthing.It seems you re feeling pretty emotional about it.That s what the groupis for, to air your feelings about anythingimportant in your life. My business, I repeated stifflyand jerked my head at Rob [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

  • zanotowane.pl
  • doc.pisz.pl
  • pdf.pisz.pl
  • funlifepok.htw.pl

    •